3 Purposes of Anger in Relationship

So many people abuse anger. You get angry, you let anger control you, and all you can think about is getting even. That is not the purpose of anger. Let's take a look at the 3 proper purposes of anger and how it can be used to improve a relationship.
3 Purposes of Anger :

1. Anger stirs us up to correct a wrong or an injustice
2. Anger is a motivator
3. Anger gives us passion and determination

Keep in mind these 3 purposes of anger. All anger is supposed to do is make us want to correct a wrong. When you see an injustice, anger swells up inside of you, and it motivates you to do something.
Let's look at a Biblical example. Saul, the king of Israel, was at one time a timid king. There was a city in Israel under attack, and the enemy said that they were going to invade the city and poke out the right eyes of everyone in the city. The Bible says that the Spirit of God moved upon Saul and Saul was filled with anger.
Part of what the Spirit of God did to Sail was make him angry. This proves that anger is not a bad thing. Anger has its purpose, and its purpose is to motivate us to correct injustices. But anger never solves the problem.
Let's say some huge guy starts messing with my wife. There is no doubt that this guy could thump me and kill me in a second! I mean, this guy has muscles bulging out all over the place. Does that mean that I shouldn't do anything about the situation? No! Whether it's logical, practical, or feasible for me to stop the guy, anger is going to build up inside of me and force me to do something.
And that is why we were given the emotion of anger. To motivate us to correct a problem. But remember, once you are motivated, you must turn off the anger, and calmly and logically come to a conclusion on how to correct the problem.

Article by:Christopher_M._Hall

Anger Management is the Key to Building Successful Relationships

Anger is a powerful emotion. It can come on so fast that people may end up saying and doing things that they later deeply regret. The key is to have tools available to calm oneself down enough so the ability to think is again present. What you want to do is to learn to manage these strong emotion so you can rationally decide how you want to handle the situation at hand. Many relationships have been destroyed by repeated emotional outbursts of anger without thought to the effect that had on the other person and the relationship.
Here are specific tips on what to do to regain a sense of control over angry feelings.
1. When you are upset the first thing to do is to focus on yourself.
Start to calm yourself down by taking deep breath deep from your diaphragm. This has to be consciously done to counteract the automatic response of shallow rapid breathing.
2. When feeling strong emotions it is not possible to think clearly.
The idea behind conscious breathing is to calm yourself down enough so you can think as to how you want to handle the situation. In addition to deep breathing some people find it helpful to start mentally counting to 20 or beyond. Counting is a cognitive activity and helps to bring a sense of control back. Others may recite a phrase - whatever will help to be able to use the thinking part of the brain again.
3. Once you can think speak in "I" messages instead of "you".
Talk about yourself and what you are feeling. When using "you" the other person will react defensively and stop hearing what you are saying. The goal for you is to say things in a way that you are clearly expressing what you feel and think.
4. Keep the focus on the situation at hand .
Stay in the moment and deal with your feelings concerning the situation that aroused such strong feelings within you. Do not bring in grievances from the past because it will take the focus away from resolving the current situation.
5. Appreciate and value your feelings
Your feelings will guide you. You want to trust what you feel but learn to manage how to handle your feelings. The ability to be able to think as to how you want to handle the situation that upset you will lead to successful anger management. by:Kristina Von Rosenvinge

Anger Management Using Psychotherapy

Anger is a normal reaction to a displeasing action. Some people can cope with an angry situation in a normal way, but some cannot control their anger. Standing up for yourself is good, but not in a violent manner. If you feel really angry, because of the rejection of your assignment, do not blame your teacher, but try to find where you are going wrong and this will help you find you a solution to your problem. If someone is approaching you violently, you should think wisely, defend yourself and report the abusive person to the authorities, rather than punching and hitting the person.
Substance abuse victims fall prey to the negativity of anger and have to undergo medically assisted anger management to recuperate from their bad habits and regain a healthy lifestyle.There are many anger management solutions, which you can put into practice and use to modify the negative thinking patterns like:
1. Talking is a helpful anger management tool. You can talk over your anger with the person who made you mad.
2. The best form of anger management is to keep a log of your emotions, in your anger management journal. You will then be able to rationalize your triggers and avoid getting angry at similar triggers, or avoid the situation completely.
3. Anger management exercises are great anger relievers as well. Yoga is the best anger management exercise, which will relieve your anger and calm you down.
4. Laughter is the best medicine and helps to relieve your anger. It is not easy to laugh when you are angry, but if you divert yourself with a joke or remembering a funny situation it can help you overcome the anger.
5. Burn off your anger by doing any healthy activity like walking, running, jogging or bike riding.
6. Music can be an extremely effective anger management tool. Put on your favorite track and relax.
7. Go to somewhere quiet and scream and shout as much as you like until you don't feel angry anymore.
8. Hitting a punch bag, rather than a person, can relieve the frustration that anger causes.
9. Crying is an amazing release for anger and stress. It lets out all of your pent up emotions, so if you feel like crying, then go ahead.
All the above stated methods are a form of anger management psychotherapy, with which you can change your lifestyle overall. You can seek help from a professional psychotherapist if you are unable to resolve your problems yourself. After learning their anger and stress management techniques you will feel healthier, with a brighter mind and soul, where you can think freely and can see the world beyond the negativity.by : Norman Holden

Learn How to Control Your Anger

The following is a very practical list that will help you control your anger instead of letting it control you. Note that any single technique will be effective in dealing with anger but knowing all of them will let you select whichever suits you. It will be much helpful to read first about the reasons that can make someone get angry before you continue reading about the anger management techniques.
The anger management methods are:
* Controlling your self talk: your self talk are the words and phrases that you use while you're thinking. Examples of self talk phrases, "I am sure he will be late as usual", "my boss is going to assign me loads of work to do today". As you can see these self talk phrases influence your emotions. By controlling the self talk through CBT or any other technique you will be able to prevent your unwelcomed mood swings. After getting angry, self talk can play a major role in either intensifying the way you feel or make you chill out
* Learn assertiveness: in case your anger was a result of a violation of your rights, nothing can make you feel any better except having assertive communication. Assertiveness is the way of communication that allows you to stand up for your rights without violence or aggressiveness.
* Wash your face: if you get angry in a place where you can wash your face, do it. It will reduce your anger and make you feel calmer.
* Change your physical position: if you are angry while you are standing, sit down. If you are angry while you are sitting then lay down
* Relaxation: whatever the undesirable emotions are, relaxation can quiet it down. Relaxation helps you to be much more in control. Relaxation techniques are simple and can be applied anywhere and anytime, and by practicing they could become a normal response to events that trigger your undesirable emotions. Relaxation will make you have access to all of your mind's resources. Anger limits your access to these resources, consequently irrational decisions will be taken.
* Controlling your anger emotion: contrary to the common belief that you do not have any power or control on your emotions. Emotions are actually choice-based, meaning you can choose the emotional state that you want under any circumstances, and upon choosing it your mind and body will do the rest. If you decided to get angry then your face will turn red and you may start insulting everyone around you.
* Workout or run: working out is a very healthy way to get rid of your anger's energy. In addition, you will notice that your performance will be much more better in comparison to your performance in a normal state.
* Breakups and anger: In my book How to get over anyone in few days I explained how are there five stages for recovery from breakups that people will follow before they can forget about someone they loved. The second one of these stages is anger where the person feels that he wants to take revenge from this person who dumped him, thus learning how to control your anger can help you get over stage two quickly and so increase your speed of recovery from breakups. After a breakup make sure you apply all anger management techniques when you find yourself in the second stage of recovery. by:Mohamed Farouk

Controlling Your Anger Before Your Anger Controls You

# How does someone know when he or she is experiencing anger that is out of control?
Usually you know your anger is getting out of control when it happens frequently, does damage to property, or other people which results in emotional, psychological, or physical harm. When others do not trust you and are afraid to be around you, its a major problem. # Is anger a "normal" emotion and if so when is it normal to experience it and how should one react when one does experience it?
Anger is like any other emotion. In fact, its okay to be angry.
Its the strength of your reaction that hurts you and what you do with the anger that hurt others.
What this means is that intense, chronic, or uncontrolled anger hurts you, the angry person, because hormones are released into your body, It causes damage to smooth muscle tissue and over time will result in heart problems, strokes, ulcers, or irritable bowel syndrome.
How it hurts others is that it causes damage to their sense of safety, creates distress, and depression. It vexes the spirit of the people you care about.
When you can express anger in a calm, mature and productive manner you are not hurting yourself or others around you. Its talking about your feelings instead being a blunt force in expressing them. People will listen to you when you talk about your feelings in a calm, controlled tone of voice.
Taking a "civilized" approach to expressing our negative emotions builds relationships, not destroy them. # Are there any detrimental physiologic effects to anger? If so, what are they?
Yes. Definitely.
Any strong emotional response will release adrenaline into your blood stream, This hormone can do damage to your body when such reactions are chronic, intense, or uncontrolled. It causes great distress to your body and may compromise your immune system and, therefore, allow opportunistic diseases to damage your health, ages you prematurely, and possibly lead to an early death. # If someone has a problem with anger, what can he or she do about it?
When you have difficulty managing your anger it is important for you to be willing to admit you need help.
Reading self-help books, talking to a friend or to your pastor is a good start.
If the problem continues you should then consider attending an anger management seminar for general educational tools but most will benefit from going to a licensed mental health professional who specializes in anger management training for cognitive, emotional, and behavioral techniques in dealing with out-of-control anger.
Don't wait until you have legal problems from poor anger control.
An experienced therapist will take a thorough history, make a complete assessment of stress in the your life, determine your self-esteem issues, and then design a personalized treatment plan for helping you to develop a greater sense of self-awareness, anticipate situations where you may be the most vulnerable to "losing your temper", increase your maturity level to take a more "civilized" approach to conflict, and methods for keeping your emotions within a healthy range of responses. # Are there steps that one can take on one's own to prevent an anger problem from escalating to the point where one needs professional help?
Yes.
If you are willing to change, motivated to change and committed to the process of identifying the triggers, vulnerabilities, as well the reasons for your anger. You can manage your anger by taking a deep breath and create coping mechanisms for dealing with such emotions.
You can learn by seeing how your parents or friends dealt with anger, sometimes by distancing yourself from the troubled situation, learning conflict resolution skills from people you know....... all this will help you without seeking professional help.

by : Dr. Noah H. Kersey, Ph.D.